Anthony “Antsy” Bonano was one of the few people in the world who ever noticed Calvin Schwa (aka The Schwa). As Antsy said, The Schwa was “functionally invisible,” and it seemed that he was right. Kids would walk right past him without seeing him, even if he wore ridiculous clothing. Teachers would look past his raised hand or even mark him absent despite his presence/attempted participation in class. And his own father would often not realize he was home. Antsy first tested his hypothesis — with the aforementioned ridiculous clothing — and then he did his best to capitalize on The Schwa Effect. He figured people would pay good money for someone who was able to spy without getting caught or who was capable of slipping a late assignment into a teacher’s bag unnoticed, and he was right. The only thing he didn’t really think about was the fact that The Schwa was a person with emotions like everyone else. Sure, it was cool that he could sometimes get away with things other kids couldn’t… but being invisible can get pretty lonely, too.
Fans of the Unwind Dystology might have a hard time believing that this book was written by the same author, but they won’t likely be disappointed — as long as they can appreciate a wry/sarcastic sense of humor, that is . Here’s a little taste of Antsy for people who are on the fence:
“Life is like a bad haircut. At first it looks awful, then you kind of get used to it, and before you know it, it it grows out and you gotta get another haircut that maybe won’t be so bad, unless of course you keep going to SuperClips, where the hairstylists are so terrible they oughta be using safety scissors, and when they’re done you look like your head got caught in a ceiling fan. So life goes on, good haircut, bad haircut, until finally you go bald, and it don’t matter no more.
I told this wisdom to my mother, and she said I oughta put it in a book, then burn it. Some people just can’t appreciate the profound.”
